Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
