vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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