I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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