capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
