I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
