Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
