Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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