Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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