3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
