The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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