omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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