Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
