I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i love accidental penises.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
