TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
