My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize