naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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