I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
