I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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