i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
