Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
