Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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