textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
