I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
