I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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