I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
