So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is Oprah even human
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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