I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
