I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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