she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
