So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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