We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
