I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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