Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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