Your tits are I can't wait for
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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