Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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