Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
