I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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