You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
