I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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