I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
