so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
