Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
