hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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