you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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