you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
