I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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