Heybabeimwearingurpanties
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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