standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
