i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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