can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
