I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
