Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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