she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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