Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I heard we made out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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