Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
