I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
