so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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