I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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