My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
