Have you finally orgasmed yet?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
