is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
