Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's like heaven, but drunker
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
