a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
