hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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