i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need water and some morals
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
