I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
