She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
