at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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