I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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