I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we should paint friendship bongs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize